You might have seen this before,but I just saw it recently, and it had me rolling on the floor (Jenn even liked it, too. . .)
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by Tim Hawkins (with apologies to Green Day)
Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end?
That dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where'd you get those shoes? I think they're pretty lame
Would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew it'd be ok
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
If you're a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife
These are the things you don't say to your wife
That dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where'd you get those shoes? I think they're pretty lame
Would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew it'd be ok
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
If you're a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife
These are the things you don't say to your wife
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Oh yes I'll have to agree with each and everyone of these because each one wouldn't end very well.
ReplyDeleteYa think?
Delete;)
I may have made a few of these mistakes.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm gonna go with a 'no comment'. . .
DeleteWe love Tim Hawkins here!
ReplyDeleteHe's a pretty funny fella. . .
DeleteAh, I have an older brother and a buddy who, between them, have committed at least half of these ....
ReplyDeleteBut none for you, at least. . . right?
DeleteYeah, don’t even say them tongue in cheek... heck don’t even think think them.
ReplyDeleteO/T - Nice storm y’all had over the weekend.
MB, PHG, and Yours truly hunkered down in Milford venturing out only to eat and attend a wedding.
Sorry about that. . .
DeleteGlad you liked our snow. We didn't do a whole lot more than that. . .
"Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes" I've said many times ... Queenie has tasted Mom's cooking so she takes it the right way.
ReplyDelete"Would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game" gave way to a skill long ago mastered but now somewhat obsolete with a DVR in the house ;-)
"I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew it'd be ok" Lucky for me, I don't hunt anything that's in season around her birthday .... so there's that.
I'll confess to the 'please stop talking during the game'. . .
DeleteJenn's cooking is pretty much on a par with my mom's, altho Mom was probably a more confident and willing cook than Jenn is. If we ever meet f2f, tho, you'll see I haven't exactly gone hungry the last 37.5 years. . .
let me relay my Mom's one and only cooking lesson:
Delete- Pull the veal cutlets out of the freezer and place in a frying pan
-Turn the burner under the frying pan to high
- Pull the frozen vegetables out of the freezer
- Fill a small pot half full with water and place it on another burner, on high
- Dump the vegetables in the pot
- When the vegetables start to boil flip the cutlets
- After 5 minutes, turn off both burners and get plates and silverware
Dinner is served!
And yes, this was the only cooking lesson she had to give. Blackened veal and mushy vegetables, enjoy!
She gave the same cooking lesson to Queenie while I was away at college and told her it was my favorite .... ;-)