Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Gratitude, Again (and Always)

I'm not saying anything non-obvious by telling you that I haven't posted much, of late; which. . . it is what it is. . .

For those of you wondering how we are - we are well.  Jenn is fully recovered from her erstwhile brush with mortality.  We are both fully retired now, which is nice.  We have added three new grandchildren in the last couple months, bringing the 'official' count to 12, and giving us some delightful ways to keep our retired selves engaged (and, at least in my case, out of trouble).

As life in OurTown begins to emerge from its viral cocoon, I am struck again by what has been a recurring theme in my life - Gratitude.  Gratitude for the goodness of life, gratitude for the web of family and friendship connections that make my life rich and meaningful (and which are, in their own ways, emerging from a year's disruption), gratitude for daily provision (retirement is kind of a hoot - at somewhat regular intervals, money magically appears in my bank account), and for a future full of hope.

In that vein, I'm re-posting a pair of my better old posts (at least, I think they're not too bad) (Beatle-lyrics-reference alert!) for your edification and enjoyment.

God Bless You All. . .


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Sometime around the year 1420, a monk named Thomas a Kempis wrote a book, The Imitation of Christ (in the original Latin, Imitatio Christi), which in the fullness of time would become the most widely-read Christian book besides the Bible. And, in its turn, it also became one of my own all-time favorite books.

The Imitation reads like a medieval Christian Book of Proverbs - wisdom for living the Christian life from a wise old monk. It is simply dense with rich and challenging quotes, several of which have made their way into my 'Book of Favorite Quotes' (not available in stores). One of my favorites, which I commend to the attention of all my blog-friends, is this, from chapter 6 of Book 3:

"A wise lover does not so much consider the gift of his lover as he does the love of the giver."

I first came across this many years ago, but it has become one of the favorite 'bywords' that Jenn and I will quote to each other. It bespeaks a kind of humble gratitude, which has served us really well in building our marriage over the years.

On the face of it, it's pretty simple, really - sort of like etiquette for opening presents on Christmas morning - be grateful for the gifts you get, even if they're not exactly the ones you were hoping for. But you know, Thomas doesn't present it as etiquette advice; he just says, "A wise lover. . ." More like, "this is wisdom beyond what meets the eye. . ." And it works, on multiple levels. . .

As most of you know, I'm adopted. At some point when I was in college, I connected the dots, and the realization dawned on me that I had been somebody's 'unwanted pregnancy', once upon a time. It occurred to me that my very existence was due to somebody I'd never met, taking the trouble to see me through nine months of pregnancy. Jenn and I got married and began having our own children (1F was actually the first person I ever knew who was genetically related to me), and all the while, the realization of what it had cost my birth-mother for me to be alive was growing stronger. Until finally, the sense of gratitude for my own existence became my strongest motivation to find and meet my birth-mother.

My birth-mother and I have always had a great relationship. Not so much because either of us are such wonderful people, but because at the bottom of it all, our relationship is one of mutual gratitude. I'm grateful to her for giving me life, and putting up with everything that went into that, including relinquishing me to be adopted by a family that could raise me. And she's grateful, even after all the years, to have a relationship with the son of her womb (and a fine son he is, if I may say so myself). We're both fairly quirky individuals (shocking as this may seem to you, I know), and there could be a lot to be annoyed with in each other, if we were so inclined. But from the beginning, our relationship has been founded on gratitude, so the quirks just seem really minor.

And likewise in my marriage. I'm so grateful to Jenn for throwing her life in with mine, for the love she gives me every day, and for the richness of the life we share together, that her quirks (and yes, alas, she has one or two) just aren't a very big deal by comparison. And I know it works the same way from her end. It's not just a matter of 'seeing the glass half-full' or 'looking on the bright side', although both of those are good advice. Temperamentally, I'm just not a 'glass-half-full' person. But being able to receive with joy 'the gift my lover brings' (Beatle-lyrics-reference alert!), just because I know how it's expressive of her love for me (quite a separate question from how good a gift it is) (but let me be clear - it is a most excellent gift), brings deep joy to my whole life. I'm certainly not meaning to hold myself up as a shining example of superior virtue, or anything like that. But I do believe we've learned something really good and valuable. . .

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The conviction has grown within me, over the years, that gratitude is, on a very fundamental level, the most appropriate response we can make for our lives. Gratitude to God, certainly, and most fundamentally. But even on a more mundane level, gratitude to our parents; to our teachers, coaches and mentors; to our brothers and sisters, and our friends.

Existence itself is a gratuitous gift, for which there is no appropriate response except gratitude. Loving relationships; food, clothing and shelter; all the mundane, daily circumstances that, individually and collectively, bring joy and meaning to our lives.

Every one of us has his/her own set of things to be thankful for, and people to be thankful to. Rather than riff off into my own 'list', I'll just encourage all my blog-friends, however briefly, to give some thought to what you're grateful for, and to whom. . .

7 comments:

  1. Relative to your post, I’ve been working a lot on my family tree and have been focusing on my Dad’s side. Which makes me miss and appreciate him, and in the grander scheme, feel grateful for all those who came before me. Some of the struggles they went through, such as giving birth year after year to babies who didn’t make it. It’s heartbreaking but sure makes me appreciate my life and thankful for their bravery to come to America.

    It must have been so strange for you to finally meet a blood relative (your baby) but I’m glad you later met your birth mother. And hey, I’m grateful for our long-time blogger friendship.

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    1. The thing that constantly blows my mind while doing genealogy is how many women died in childbirth before (roughly) the Civil War; maybe a third. . . Jenn had some complications after one of our kids was born that, once-upon-a-time she probably would have died from (and I am supremely grateful that she didn't).

      And I am grateful for your friendship as well. . .

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  2. Gratitude lists are the bane of my existence. I've been writing them for a little more than 19 years ...I finally picked up my chip on Monday, because social distancing limits the number of live meetings. I think my issue with them is I want to put down something original and, maybe even, profound. Ultimately, I am grateful for another day on this side of the grass that God has given me. I am also grateful for having found the love of my life, for the second time ...maybe the third.
    That, and that I found this post on the day it was posted.

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    1. Well, you know, it's good to be mindful from time to time, how many of the mundane details of our lives could easily be otherwise. . .

      And. . . two Loves of your Life. . . sounds pretty special to me. . . ;)

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  3. Without gratitude (recognizing ones blessings) it's hard to imagine keeping on yet so many do. It's odd, to me, that one side of my family doesn't know what gratitude is. Sad, really, that they keep rolling along hating and complaining about everything. If it weren't anti-biblical I might be tempted to advise them to just roll over and die if things are just so bad. and I'm not one to judge what 'bad' is for another yet I will because, well, that side of the family has little genuine complaint. You know what I'm talking about .....

    Thanks for the post, here's hoping it becomes a side-line habit now that you're footloose and fancy free!! Grandpa ;-)

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    1. Well, I know that gratitude correlates pretty strongly with happiness, which would seem to be borne out by your experience. . .

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    2. And every day that gratitude grows, even in the midst of the storm. Great care helps so much, indeed!

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